Armagideon Time

Who needs tv?

September 25th, 2009

Today we’re going to turn the spotlight on one of the lesser known series of men’s adventure novels published during the Me Decade…

A total of sixteen Electric Warrior novels starring the “glitter assassin” Bolan were released between 1971 and the series’ abrupt conclusion in September 1977. Here are some choice excerpts from the various books:

Once there was a man of peace named ‘Toby Tyler’ who lived a quiet life of contentment with a girl named Desdemona. When she died on that terrible and bloody night three years past, so did Tyler…only to be reborn as glittering avenger with the soul of a prehistoric predator. – from Volume 1, An Electric Warrior Is Born

***

A quick blast from Bolan’s 12 gauge “Slider” blew open the contol room door. The Thin White Duke was long gone, leaving only a tape recorded message in his wake:
“Sorry, I couldn’t be there to meet you in person, old chum, but other matters beckoned. I’m sure you’ve already figured out that the Jean Genie and her Diamond Dogs were merely catspaws in a grander scheme. I’d ask you to join me, but I already know what the answer will be. A shame, really. Look at yourself, you’ve think you’ve got it made, but I think you will soon find the taste is not so sweet. Adapt and survive is the only wise policy, my anachronistic friend. Toodles!” – from Volume 4, Here Comes the Night of Death

***

Emerson slammed his fists down on the Destructo-Moog’s keyboard. Lethal waves of sound blasted from the ultraphonic sound system. Bolan staggered from the sonic onslaught but did not collapse.

“Give it up, Bolan! Embrace the future…and your death!” Bolan responded to the virtuoso’s taunts with a flick of his feather boa. The weighted cord inside coiled around Emerson’s neck, constricting his windpipe. Emerson was as good as dead, but Bolan wasn’t taking any chances. A quick tug, the snap of a broken neck, and the deed was done.

“Your mistake, Keith, was trying to fool a child of the revolution.” – from Volume 7, King of the Rumbling Prog

***

“I got the feeling a hard rain is going to fall, pal. We’d better stick together.” Ferry smirked as he wiped the late Virginia Plain’s blood off his hands with a rag. Bolan wasn’t sure what to make of man. His skills were unquestionable and his assistance on this mission was invaluable, but something about the Man from R.O.X.Y. rubbed him the long way. Eno may have vouched for him, but Ferry dressed too slick and acted too posh for Bolan’s comfort. And then there was the man’s inexplicably grating accent… – from Volume 13, Ladytron Killer

***

Bolan didn’t know which was worse — the pain of his shattered body or the fact that he had fallen into such an obvious trap.

“Don’t expect the Captain or his band of foulmouthed louts to help you. They’re too busy hanging out with the Jesus of Cool.” The Duke reached through the twisted remains of the passenger side window and grabbed a fistful of Bolan’s majestic curls. “That’s the problem with being a hero, Marc. It rarely lasts for more than just one day.”

The Duke’s skeletal henchman produced a pistol. “What shall we do with this poor, injured passenger, boss?”

The Duke paused for the briefest of moments. “You know the drill, Wild Child. Wham bam thank you ma’am.” – from Volume 16, Rosegarden Funeral for a Metal Guru

7 Responses to “Who needs tv?”

  1. David Campbell

    I would read these books so hard.

  2. M.A. Masterson

    Note Perfect!

  3. Mondo

    16 volumes you say – right up my glitter alley. Slam in the Glam

  4. Charles

    I am sad to live in a world where these are not on my bookshelf.

  5. Jean

    I am wishing these into existence harder than I have wished before.

  6. Christian Brimo

    Try reading any of Micheal Moorcock’s Jerry Cornelius books… they’re basically this

  7. Fletcher

    You know, I hate to be one of those “you forgot” guys, but no discussion of these novels is complete without mentioning Volume 8: A Knight at the Opera. Agent Mercury’s death scene, for my money, is one of most emotional moments of the series:

    “Bolan,” he said, gasping, “I’ve killed a man. Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger. Now he’s dead. Bolan, life had just begun and now I’ve gone and thrown it all away!”
    “Don’t talk that way, Fred,” said Bolan, cradling his wounded friend’s head. “He knew the risks. You did what you had to do.”
    “I don’t want to die,” said Mercury. He coughed, a low rasping cough, and then continued. “I sometimes wish I’d never been born at all.”
    “Don’t talk that way, Fred! You’ll pull through this!”
    Mercury laughed, and a thin trickle of blood ran down his chin. “Sorry old friend. It seems that Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me.”

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