“I think their predominant colour was a greyish-green, though they had white bellies. They were mostly shiny and slippery, but the ridges of their backs were scaly. Their forms vaguely suggested the anthropoid, while their heads were the heads of fish, with prodigious bulging eyes that never closed. At the sides of their necks were […]

If you’re going to tamper in God’s domain, the least you can do is invest in a shatterproof containment flask. Recommended listening: Breaking up is shard to do.

Running into a ghost while spending the night in a haunted mansion? Scary. Fleeing the room and running into Vince Van Patten wearing a pair of novelty boxer shorts? PURE NIGHTMARE FUEL. It truly put the hell in Hell Night. Recommended listening: When you get caught between the goth and New York City.

“I appreciate your enthusiasm, Phil, but I was asking if you folks wanted to go to Applebee’s or the Olive Garden for the weekend’s infernal meet-up.” Recommended listening: Until even the Horned One gets sick out your antics and boots you out of his band.

Swan: Madame, Swan here. I want you to answer a question for me. Madame: Yes? Swan: What would you give me for a starring role in a syndicated sitcom? Madame: Anything you wanted, sweetheart. Swan: Anything? Would you give me… your spot on Hollywood Squares? Recommended listening: The devil is real and spent the better […]

Status update, 2024: The Vampire: Actuary for a major insurance corporation. The Ghost: Middle school guidance counselor. The Werewolf: Sells souvenirs made from painted shells in Myrtle Beach, S.C. The Clown: The Tri-State Torso Ripper, still at large. Recommended listening: Tick tick tick.

If you’ve wondered what I’ve been up to during my long hiatus from this site, the answer is “trying to enjoy and reconnect with things without feeling like I have to mine them for content.” What kinds of things? A lot of shit from first three decades on earth, where imperfect memories and rosy nostalgia […]

Last time I tried this, I ended up in the ER. So let’s see how things go this time around. Recommended listening: Some rockabilly thunder from Down Under from an artist who has since gone on to be a synth-goth Kylie.

Two weeks back from yesterday, I went to urgent care to get some antibiotics for a tooth infection. Part of the process involved having my vitals taken, which resulted in being told that my heartrate and blood pressure were at IMMEDIATE HEALTH RISK levels. They wanted to call an ambulance then and there, but I […]

A decaying relic, kept in a mockery of life by foul alchemy and a perpetual state of rage born of ancient esoteric grudges? Oh, he’ll do just fine in these parts. Recommended listening: More regional ghosts.