NOW HIRING: Our organization is looking for lazy shiftless menials who are awful at their jobs. Sneaky day-drinking and taking naps during work hours are a plus. Must be able to visually conform to thematically appropriate caricatures while maintaining proper vaudeville or music hall standards.
Duties will require remaining oblivious about some nearby horror (e.g. a corpse, supernatural entity, and/or rogue gorilla) until the moment of maximum comedic impact. Candidates will be assessed on the ability to bulge their eyes out, do a spit take, exaggeratedly wheel their arms and holler “A G-G-G-G-G-GHOST!”
Generous benefits package, including vision and dental coverage. Serious inquiries only.
Recommended listening: If you cut a rug, does it not bleed?
