Armagideon Time

Time X

April 11th, 2016

Say, kids, what time is it?

It’s crappy merchandising time (which, to be honest, is all the time in the fetid realm of geekdom)!

At first glance, the above ad from a 1993 issue of Wizard appears to be just another pitch for some overpriced licensed garbage. Puzzling, but hardly remarkable for an era where a grown adult would consider a Wolverine wrist watch to be an acceptable way to accessorize.

Upon closer examination, however, it turns out this isn’t just a regrettable one-off transaction. It’s a long-term commitment spanning a total of six X-brand timepieces and upwards of three-hundred smackaroos. If the watches themselves weren’t enticing enough, the totally-not-some-shady-holding-company Character Time was willing to sweeten the pot with super-special, limited edition rectangular hunks of illustrated cardboard. (If you think I’m cracking wise here, you probably weren’t around to witness the “non-sports” card speculative mania of the 1990s.)

I normally roll my eyes at the use of “collectable” as marketing buzzword for geek crap, but here it actually makes sense.

The “X-MEN Watch Collector’s Club” collects a windfall from dopes with poor sales resistance. The watches themselves will likely collect dust, either unsold in a warehouse or in someone’s attic. And if the buyer misunderstands their ability to pay for the products and the club’s contractual obligation clauses, a collections agent will likely make an appearance.

Welcome to the X-MEN Watch Collector’s Club, fanboy! I hope your credit rating survives the experience!

2 Responses to “Time X”

  1. Matty.s

    An era when a wolverine wristwatch was considered an adult fashion accessory, 1993, 2016 wants your watches.

  2. Pedro de Pacas

    You tell em, Steve Dave!

    And just 👏👏👏 for that last line. Excelsior!

Proudly powered by WordPress. Theme developed with WordPress Theme Generator.
Copyright © Armagideon Time. All rights reserved.