Armagideon Time

Fasten your seatbelts and secure all pointy objects, this kids, because it’s time for another round of…

…in which I use the character creation rules in the Marvel Super Heroes RPG’s Ultimate Powers Book to roll up a random batch of powers and abilities, then sit back and watch as some incredibly talented folks work their creative magic upon the quantified chaos.

This week’s featured contribution was conjured up by the amazing Kyle Starks!

In 1965, the greatest scientific and vodun minds of the century congregated in a lab deep underground in Nigeria. They called themselves The Circle of the Bitter Loa and had put forth a plan to create what could only be called a super zombie. They had found a way to merge science and dark arts to build a Voodoo Chassis, a machine that would merge technology and sympathetic magic to fuel, arm and create an indestructible, mindless creature. It would be the perfect soldier for a their new regime of international horror.

On November first a hundred bokor and houngan chanted and cut the throats of chickens and danced their dark dances. Their zealotic and genius scientists attached the device to a recently dead corpse, a volunteer from their sinister organization. They turned on the lights, they opened the door way, and it was powered immediately via a portal to the afterlife – it was a rousing success in all ways. They had made a creature that would never die, that was superhumanly strong, who’s very being was woven deep into the voodoo streams of magic. He would be able to devour anything and everything, to smash himself into two dimensions. No doors would stop his carnage. Cigars were smoked, rum was drank as blood ran through the candle wax on the floors.

But it was a failure. Sure, the creature had been made but it could not be animated. Even the greatest and most evil Guede (a descendent of Mama Laveau herself) could not get the beast to respond to the most basic commands. The Voodoo Chassis was a master stroke of genius – but it was too perfectly executed, too powerful for a mortal, even as powerful ones they had, to animate. They had made the bomb, but they had no way of dropping it.

So, they turned to their Plan B. The world would die under fire and curse. The had effigies of the majority of the world leaders. They had made curse bombs that were placed via dragon lines and geographical success. They would explode and spread with death potions and nightmares. They would release zombie soldiers into the field to wreck havoc on military forces while all other plans went into place.

But the experiment was a failure in more ways than one. Amidst the casting and gere-gere’s and grimoires they had indeed succeeding in opening a portal to the Vodun dimension. They had opened the gate. The great Guede and Loa of Voodoo mythology saw what was in place and could not allow it. Dark or Petro Voodooism is a very small part of a greater Hoodoo. Baron Samedi and Damballah looked upon it with the disdain expected of any wise God so these repulsive actions could not go through. So they sent one of their own through to attempt to stop it. Like all summoned Loa he was to immediately find his Horse, he was to locate a living being to possess and to use his immense powers to halt the unimaginable terror that was underfoot.

Sadly, for the lesser Ghede the only living thing in that room…was a chicken, one of the few, still in cages, that had survived the night of bloody sacrifice. So born onto the earthly plane was Baron Perdu.

Even more unfortunate for the Circle of the Bitter Loa was that despite only being a chicken, he was still a Vodun Ghede and therefore had just enough power to command the zombie in the room. Who happened to be wearing an artifact of unbelievable strength and powered by the very source of his homelands

And so, on November 2nd, the Circle of the Bitter Loa was upended and crushed and spread to the far corners of the world also destroyed was the ever chance to have such an immense group of seasoned practitioners in place to open a gate to Rada, leaving Perdu stuck a chicken and on the Earthly plane, likely, forever.

Since then Perdu has discovered that while his chicken form is fragile he is able to focus his powers to form a sonic attack, a super cluck, if you will. Also, that his powers of zombie control were now tied specifically to his zombie chariot. And that the Voodoo Chassis, while nigh-indestructible – relies on technology as much magic and an Electromagnetic Pulse will shut it and the super zombie down as quickly as any other electronic device.

And so now, thirty years later, the Louisiana locals will tell you that deep in the Atchafalaya swamps, far enough only a blind-mute in a canoe will take you, is a ramshackle house where a sickly-looking giant of a man feeds rum to a chicken, there is help. No matter how dark the problem might be. There is help.

(Thrilling words and chilling art by Kyle Starks, whose submission header read “a lot of fun to try to smash that nonsense into SOMETHING.” UPJ logo provided by Dave Lartigue.)

Are you an artist, writer, or terrifying combination of the two who’d like to try your hand at the Ultimate Powers Jam? Then drop me a line at bitter(dot)andrew(at)gmail(dot)com and I’ll commence the dice to rolling.

8 Responses to “Ultimate Powers Jam #7 – Baron Perdu”

  1. Ken Lowery

    I’ll fucking kill you, Starks.

  2. Cathy Leamy

    OK, this *demands* a crossover fight with Worrybird. BRING IT BARON

  3. Jack Feerick

    MOTHER OF GOD. The bar has been raised.

    (Or lowered, if we use the metaphor of competitive limbo-dancing.)

  4. MaxBenign

    “A super cluck, if you will”


    With much love to all the previous contributors, this is my favorite yet.

  5. stavner

    I wish I’d thought of that.

  6. Harley McCarthy

    I second MaxBenign. As good as all the others were, this is my favorite so far.

    I was sold at the words, “Voodoo chassis”.

  7. WorldBreaker Grimm

    I’m not exaggerating in the least when I say I’d buy this comic, and become as die-hard of it as any fan of anything ever. Very impressed, and thanks to all who contributed to it! SO AWESOME.

  8. Jess Gulbranson

    Voodoo Chassis is pure band name win.

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